Hot Springs Panhandlers Start Aggressive Window Washing Business

A group of panhandlers in Hot Springs is fighting back against the perception of being lazy and that they are looking for handouts by opening a new window washing company. "Instead of just asking people for money; we're going to start providing a service to the people in Hot Springs," Jack Robinson their leader says.

The group is calling the service, "If It Ain't Green, Ya Shit Gets Cleaned" and they mean just that. Robinson says they will have people posted at traffic lights all around the city armed with Windex, a squeegee and a gun. "You assholes have been calling us lazy freeloaders for years, and we're tired of the shit. We're going to provide you a service, and you're going to pay or else.

Police say they have already responded to two incidents involving people having their windows shot out.

Cinema Cindy Calls Police on Black Toddler at Hot Springs Theater

A lady being called Cinema Cindy called police on a 3-year-old black girl over the weekend after suspecting the child was holding a 35-year-old white woman hostage at the Hot Springs Mall Cinema. The woman reportedly became suspicious when she observed both the movie patrons sharing a large grape soda. ”No respectable white woman would ever drink grape soda or share the drink with a child. I just knew something was awry, ” she said in a statement.

When Hot Springs Police arrived, they detained the child and checked the welfare of the white lady she was with. In a statement, police said that while it was a simple misunderstanding that the child was arrested on an unrelated warrant for failure to appear for a timeout.

Razorback Head Coach Explains How Edibles Will Make Good Excuse for Upcoming Tulsa Loss

Razorback head coach Chad Morris said giving his team marijuana edibles before their game with Tulsa today gives him and his team a great excuse for loosing yet another game. “We‘re going into this knowing Tulsa is going to beat us so why not let the guys have some fun while they get destroyed.”

According to Morris, the edibles are very potent and should make for some ridiculous gameplay from the razorback. “Welcome to Razorbac Nation, where we might suck but we have damn good weed,” Morris said.