Mickey Gates Blames MS-13, Liberals and Fake News for Tax Evasion Charges

Arkansas State Representative Mickey Gates says his tax evasion problems, dating back to 2003 are because of MS-13, liberals and fake news. While there is no evidence to support these claims, Gates assures his constituents that given enough time he will be able to fabricate something to that effect. "In due time, I will be able to vindicate myself while placing blame on these faceless entities that have absolutely nothing to do with Arkansas or my crimes, and hopefully continue peacefully evading paying taxes," Gates said in a statement.

Meth Keeps Freddy Krueger From Killing Anyone in Hot Springs Ahead of Halloween

The legendary nightmare killer Freddy Krueger says meth has put a stop to his murderous rampage in Hot Springs. In a rare interview given exclusively to SCC, Krueger is pleading with meth heads in the vacation spot to put the pipe down for one night. "I stalked a guy for 3 weeks, and he never slept. Just kept stealing copper and buying ice," Krueger said. He eventually fell asleep stalking this potential victim and was robbed by him. "This methed out bitch waited until I passed out and stole my fucking wallet."

According to Krueger, this has been a recurring problem since setting up in Hot Springs. "I thought this would be easy pickings but no, everyone here is on that shit."

ADC Says Inmate Depopulation is on Track Following Fourth Death in Two Weeks at Tucker Max Unit

Following the fourth death in two weeks at the Tucker Maximum Security Unit, the ADC says their inmate depopulation program is ready to move out of the testing phase. The program, a first of its kind is designed to promote homicide and suicide within ADC facilities. ”The beauty of the program is we don't have to do anything different really. Just more of the same neglect, ” one official said.

The testing at the Tucker Unit Involved selected inmates missing multiple meals, mandatory solidarity confinement for days or weeks at a time while having political ads run continuously. ”Eventually they break one way or the other, ” the official continued. The agency plans on implementing the program at multiple facilities in the coming months.

The ADC claims that once in full force the program should reduce the prisoner population by 50 percent, saving taxpayers millions in inmate housing cost.